| (no subject) |
[Oct. 1st, 2006|08:16 pm] |
It was a wholesome weekend. Canvassing with the Commonwealth Coalition, Pumpkin Spice Lat-I know, I know, but they're really good, making sausage and lentil stew. And today, a church that was the spitting image of what I bet Christ Church Grosse Pointe was like in 1973ish (this is not a good thing), followed by a chance encounter with the Rector of a very different church which I think will be a good fit. More on that after we scope it out for real next week.
Sometimes I wonder if I've been a little too responsible about all of this, as if the six year old version of myself is looking at me and saying, "You can have Lucky Charms every day if you want to and you actually choose to eat KASHI?" |
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| All things go, all things go |
[Aug. 27th, 2006|07:52 pm] |
A year ago today I was moving into TA 50. Now I'm sitting in the so-called Sweedish chair (which is actually Danish), looking at the damn kite paper on the wall of this northern VA apartment with no idea where I'll be in three months, let alone in twelve. I'm glad about that.
A highlight of the past week was definitely lunch with Anne. So good to talk about things with someone who actually has a sense of who I am beyond these three delirious post-grad months in a city that still feels so unfamiliar. It was like suddenly getting back in touch with a version of myself I had forgotten existed. I told her that this summer has made me realize how much I want to work with people. She smiled and said, But we knew that already, Lizzie, didn't we? I guess we did.
Dan and I saw Little Miss Sunshine this afternoon, and I can't recommend it enough. It's been awhile since I've laughed so hard for so long.
Rick will be here in a week and a day. |
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| The thunder struck, the clouds appeared, our fearless crew was not prepared... |
[Jun. 29th, 2006|10:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Alexandria | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Pinafore/Dan talking about chocolate | ] |
I think what I figured out yesterday and today that my task right now is learning how to take care of myself again. It had become very easy to blame my unhappiness on the fact that Rick's in Cleveland, and doing that really prevented me from taking responsibility for making things better. Realizing that what was going on is so much more complicated than that, so much more about leaving college than about a few tough weeks of a long distance relationship has been really liberating. I think it's helped me to realize that this is in my hands, and what a good thing that is.
...and pretty soon the spirit was a lot like what it used to be
I think it was those moments that shook me awake. Being stuck on the Metro and talking to a late middle aged woman about her homesickness for New Mexico, and feeling like we had shared a tiny but still significant sliver of ourselves. The haircut Miyo gave me. The Adventures of Mr. Panda. Realizing that we're taking really good care of each other, and that this post-Vassar commune is becomming something like a family. Right now Dan and I are IMing each other and listening to HMS Pinafore.
There is a lot that's scary right now, a lot that I don't know.
(It was really good talking to Ann about that last night. It's good to know that we're not alone in this, just like we haven't been alone in any major life stage since late elementary school.)
But I think that might not be the point, the unknowns. I think for right now I want to keep learning how to enjoy this, how to really love these people. This is so cliche, but but I think I'm starting to remember how much of ourselves we take with us wherever we go. How, in between learning to love the new things I can keep loving what I always have, like heirloom tomatoes and that Bach's 140th Cantata. |
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| Summer of pain? |
[Jun. 3rd, 2006|09:49 pm] |
I really like the patterns that we settled into up there. The handful of heteronormitive things that we settled into and secretly loved. The uninterrupted sleep, the icy lake(s), the knowledge that we can go for days only talking to each other. Realizing that we were being observed by strangers, and that their assumptions about us were more or less true.
Remembering why this is an incredibly good thing, despite how hard it became at the end of the semester. Talking about our separate yet equally complicated feelings about gentrification. Sleeping Bear. Villa Marine (the restaurant my mom calls, "THAT DIVE?!") where we tried to demonstrate a nonproblematic affection for the food of the proletariat. Driving with the windows down. Reading out loud to each other on the beach. Our stop at Birch Run, especially the Bibles and More Outlet. Ha.
All of this makes the beginning of an indefinite period of time away from one another so much easier. The things that come to mind when I think of us together are more real and more wonderful this way. Instead of Kramer v. Kramer remake shots in Penn Station, I think of the healing rhythms of the Great Lakes, for example.
In other news, maybe I'm in denial, but I really don't think I'm done living in the Hudson Valley yet. Thinking about that right now really borders on masochism, though.
One thing at a time. One foot in front of the other. The new road is an old friend. Tomato season will come sooner in Virginia.
The Smithsonian is free.
The Smithsonian is free. |
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| It is finished |
[May. 9th, 2006|12:56 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Over the Rhine | ] |
My thesis, that is. With only two finals to go, the only thing left to do is to figure out how to say goodbye to all of this.
On Saturday night we sat and watched the fire works, and I thought about the last time we did that here. Will the next time be on the Mall? I can see the three of us squeezing onto a narrow piece of grass with the rest of the city and passing around warm beer while we wait for it to get dark. I don't know why, but thinking about it makes all of this seem a lot more exciting than it did a few hours ago.
Anyone have any real estate connections in D.C.? |
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| 6 weeks from yesterday |
[Apr. 17th, 2006|12:14 pm] |
I can count on one hand the number of academic things I have left before graduation, can finally answer the question "so, what are you doing next?"
It will feel right, I think. Seven semesters were enough (plus 2 summers and all that time over various breaks. I have come to deeply know this place, and I have loved and hated it, sometimes both at once.
But what does it mean to have known this place so well? To know exactly how hard I have to push to open the doors by the College Center Circle, to know which trees will flower, and in what order, to have felt the comings and goings and waxings and wanings for four years.
It hit me yesterday when we sat down for Easter brunch at Cathy's, and I thought about all of the time I've spent around that table... when she had me over for dinner at the end of my first week freshman year, that cacophanous Thanksgiving, the time we finally began to speak honestly with one another. This is something that I won't have to say goodbye to, at least not yet. It will always be a plane ride or a train trip away, this place that has become an extension of home. Yesterday I wondered if it might be one of the first of many meals like that, if what has been the most amazing about this year is what will be wonderful for a long long time. |
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| rest in my arms, sleep in my bed, there's a design to all i did and said -sufjan |
[Mar. 22nd, 2006|09:13 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | that playlist | ] |
One of the upsides of jet lag is that I wake up this early, reminding me that I am probably a morning person after all. This is going to be one of those days when it will be nearly impossible for me to sit still and work on my thesis. How can I, with David Byrne and Ella in the background reminding me that RMR will be home in a matter of hours?!
It was a fantastic trip. I'd love to go back to Turkey at some point, especially Bursa and Istanbul. Just not with 34 other Americans in a large bus with matching orange tote bags. Although I loved spending that time with RAK and HJEC, especially. And if you're interested, I can tell you about how we had a run in with the police at the Haggia Sophia.
There are all kinds of reflective sentimental things I could say about how in two months we'll be just a few days away from graduation. But counting down to one thing that is hard is also a countdown to other things that are wonderful and I think that might be the point of all this.
Okay, thesis time for real. And I should actually unpack. Ready, go! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2006|02:31 pm] |
Besides the obvious things, like how good it felt to sleep on the futon last night, and go to the grocery store and stir spinach into my faux Annie's at noon, I'm not sure what to say except for the fact that this feels like the beginning of the end. As in, the beginning of my Vassar denouement: the beginning of the fourish months that will neatly wrap up the story of the last four years. It will of course be much more complicated than that (when is it not?) but it is kind of amazing to think about all of the things that have worked themselves out, at least for the time being.
What I wish for the next four months is that they, if nothing else, are devoid of drama. The ME is what it is (remember when we thought we could change it?), and the things that are wonderful will remain that way and as for the rest, it's way too late. (Is this what it would feel like to know the date of one's own death?) This is so cliche, but besides the obvious things like wrapping up academic things well, all I really want to do this semester is enjoy these people (well, some of them) before we don't live here anymore.
Also, read The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion! |
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| Year in Review |
[Dec. 30th, 2005|12:49 pm] |
On this day last year Ann and I left for Paris to visit Nell. We counted down to midnight in front of Notre Dame, passing around a bottle of cheap rose that the semi-sketchy Finnish men had opened for us, making lists of the things that we would do and not do in the coming year. The only thing I can remember that I said I would do has certainly been accomplished. The year ahead... well, it would be great if the Democratic Party could take back at least one of the chambers of Congress, and if this time next year we had jobs that give us joy. And then there is something else, but the idea of writing it down makes the superstitious side of me itch.
So let's review:
France
The Blizzard of Aught Five
Sam and Ali
Dia Beacon
The Pope is Dead
Disillusionment with the ME
2 Dar Concerts
Ringing the Bell
Montreal
New love! (Rick!)
Deepthroat unmasked
The UU yardsale
Weirdish artsy jobs
Rick!
Housesitting bonzana
Loss of camp
Rick!
Nell the dog
The Sailfish Story
TA 50
The Great Leap Forward (Rick!)
Gossipping with Daniel
MICA
Chicken and broccoli, grocery shopping with OL
College Ave Parties
More new love (but not for me this time)
Thanksgiving Eve potluck (Robert Robert's Punch)
Getting stranded at Kimball Farms
30 pages in 12 hours (Rick!)
Criss cross tour of the midwest (in progress)
Rick!
And now... off to pack, and then Lansing, ho, for what will inevitably be emotional and kind of weird, but ultimately wondeful. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 23rd, 2005|11:54 pm] |
Tonight a girl I barely knew in high school asked me if I was saving for retirement, and then proceeded to give me her card (she's a financial advisor, it seems) in case I had any questions. All in all, it was wonderful to see those people, and amazing to realize how much we fell back into the same roles we held eight years ago. The quiet girls on the outskirts, the "good" girls, the loud ones, the organizers of delinquent activities... I myself fell into the last two categories by default, circulating in all out WID mode, stopping to organize impromptu polls about things that would make the Sisters of Notre Dame ring their hands and sue Mary Beth Binaci.
And does it ever seem like we come from ever if different when we go back? This morning at the Christmas pageant rehearsal I was really struck by the timelessness of it... and also the sense that hearing the kindergarteners chant "How FAR is it to BETHLEHEM? How FAR is it to BETHLEHEM? It's 90 MILES to BETHLEHEM?" year after year will never get old.
In the late afternoon, Dad and I went grocery shopping, while making lists of our top ten favorite Christmas carols of all time. "Okay, it's a little embarassing, but... The Holly and the Ivy!" I said. "OOOH! YES! Let's sing it right now!" he exclaimed, turning down an interview on NPR. We came home and I roasted a chicken and made (kick-ass) brown rice risotto for my mom's birthday dinner. There is a level of (relative) calm surrounding Christmas in my house that is new this year, and although I can't explain it, I am certainly not complaining! |
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puelladivine's journal